Before I go...

This summer, Evestus will turn a new page. The "No God" era will be finished with a final single and video for the EP and a six track EP "Before I Go" (working title) will mark the shift from the darker period of Evestus on to a more colourful era. A more outgoing era. 

There is a story here.. if you take "No God", and add the upcoming EP after it, it becomes quite clear what has been going on and perhaps even why this change is inevitable.

I did lose my path.. but the further I wondered the more clear it became that I had always been on the right track. I was just distracted and pulled away from it by crap that somehow seemed so relevant and important at the time. There has been a fair amount of self doubt, self pity.. a sense of helplessness.. followed by guilt, overwhelming weakness.. leading to escapism and the edge of giving up. 

But there is nothing for me on the other side. It calls so loud with these huge letters of bright lights spelling "the real life!" - it has the power to make itself look and feel so important and relevant - but when you reach it - there is nothing there. For me, Nothing. At the end of the day it just takes all I have - and if I'm lucky, I get a fucking dollar. I believe I help more people with a shitty demo recording of a half-decent song than that. So fuck it. This is not for me. 'm a fucking artist. As low as that title puts me on a social ladder - fuck them - they can't even define me so where they put me is only relevant to them while I myself am chilling on a whole other dimension altogether.

Yeah, not everyone was meant to fly. But noone should be telling us that we can't give it a try.

So I'm 30 years old - been making music for 12 years and still haven't "made it". So I should give it up? Well, maybe I haven't made it because I've been paying too much attention to people trying to measure my success in fame and fortune!  Being ALIVE is a fucking success for an antisocial, depressed fucking pile of human remain that I am! And it takes a lot of fucking effort to keep that streak going each day! The fact that I've released albums and kept a band together for 7 years is no less than a fucking MIRACLE compared to that - and you dare to tell me that I'm not successful? Having even CONSIDERED putting my music on hold is an insult to every one of my fans. And while I might only have a pocketful of them - each one I can count on and trust with my life while you don't have a single person who'd piss on fire to put you out!

A ghost telling me how to live... like having an earthworm telling me how to fly. 

Seeing that I'm different should NOT give you a message to get involved - it doesn't mean that you should teach me how to be like YOU. It should mean that you DON'T GOT SHIT to teach me because we're completely DIFFERENT SPECIES!  You stick with your shit - I stick with mine. you'll be good - I'll be fine.

All in all, I have enough doubts and insecurities of my own - I really don't need anyone to add to that.


Some of the things I need to get off my chest before I go...

Posted on April 9, 2014 .